Confessions of a Fatherless Daughter

 

 

athomaspointofview.com

 

I never knew my father well. Time spent with him was always rare and brief. At the most, I could expect a card with a few dollars in it on holidays and birthdays. Over time, I got used to growing up without him. I stopped expecting him at birthday parties, graduations, and school events. I stopped waiting by the phone for promised calls that never came. I learned to tuck the sadness of missing him into my back pocket and push forward. My being surrounded by the presence of my mother, siblings, and family members as a child made it easy to tune out the heavy emotions that I felt towards my father. So, I got past it in childhood but I was not prepared for how it would affect me as a young adult.

The weight of my fatherlessness hit me the hardest when I got to college. Something about crossing over the threshold into adulthood, being away from home, and being all on my own brought all of those daddy issues to light. It wasn’t until then that I realized his absence had seeped into every aspect of my life.

It showed up when I met new friends but couldn’t bring myself to be vulnerable with them. It showed up in my academic life when I second guessed myself and what I brought to the table. It was present when I found myself judging every man I met as unreliable before getting to know them. My lack of financial and emotional support is tangible evidence of my fatherlessness. As an almost 20-year-old, I feel as though my fatherlessness has sent me into the world with no foundation.  I have had to learn to heal that little girl inside of me who just wanted her daddy around. If I didn’t, I would have begun to sabotage myself and my relationships as an adult.

My experience has made me realize that parents can sometimes underestimate the impact of their actions on their children. They can also overestimate their children’s ability to simply “get over it.” That is why healing as a child is so important. The trauma that is the result of fatherlessness will impact a child regardless of if they recognize it or not. It is trauma that will carry over well into adulthood if not healed correctly.

 

Taj’Zhere Dillard

Intern

The Fatherless Generation Foundation, Inc.

Daddy Issues

“Piece by piece, he restored my faith

that a man can be kind and a father could, stay”

―Kelly Clarkson

 

ustylemag.com

 

Many fatherless children are walking around and going about their daily lives suppressing the fact that they have daddy issues.  The thought is I have grown beyond the 12-year-old boy or girl waiting for my father to come to my school recital, birthday party, or even just a regularly scheduled visit. I have “gotten over it!”  But in truth, that does not mean your daddy issues are through with you.

Why do you need to slow down and deal with your daddy issues? 

This is necessary because of the impact that your daddy issues are having on your relationships with your spouse, family, friends, and even your children. What many do not know because of the high level of suppression, is that their daddy issues are even impacting their performance at work.

How do you stop suppressing and work through the pain of your daddy issues? 

#1 Sit Still

We use being busy as a way to not deal with the cracks in our foundation. You must get quiet. Allow the inner you to speak to you about what it needs.

#2 Listen 

It is time you listen to you. Once you get quiet and begin to listen, the inner you will begin to expose the areas of trauma affecting your life. Take the time to write them in a journal.

#3 Experience the trauma from a place of seeking resolution.

When you begin to listen, you will initially be afraid. And I will say, depending on how deep the trauma is, I need for you to seek a qualified therapist to assist you with your healing.  What I know is, when you go back and experience the trauma from a place of seeking resolution, you discover different outcomes.  Your conclusions are based on truth and not on the myopic perspective of a child whose heart has been broken. Those new conclusions are now shaped from a stronger, more confident, and free-er you!

#4 Write a Letter to Your Father 

Writing a letter to your father is one of the most freeing actions you can take for your own healing.  Now, whether or not you send it to him is up to you.  I suggest you take the time to listen concerning that decision as well. For some, you may want to go beyond writing the letter and reach out to your father or an extended family member if he is not open or has passed on to share your heart. You may find the surprise of your life!

 

Compassionately yours,

Dr. Torri J. Evans-Barton

Founder & CEO

The Fatherless Generation Foundation, Inc.